Well, hello to you! It's been a while, but I'm back with a vengeance.
Let me catch you up:
- 2010: Left The Grocery Store for the Book Store. Made great friends, loved my job, loved my life. Got fit, had fun. Tanned outside and was a bronze goddess.
- 2010-2013: Worked at a very large and prosperous Software Company. Made great friends, didn't love my job. Got fat, had less fun. The chaise-lounge hasn't been opened in three years = pasty white.
- TODAY: FUNEMPLOYED! I just said adios to the Software Company less than a week ago, and I already feel better. While I am sad to see the people go, the job wasn't for me. How can I say this tactfully? It crushed my spirit. How do people exist in offices? I think florescent lights are designed to kill the creativity of the people under them. Like somehow the light slowly cooks the happiness from your braincells. But, I've emerged back into the world and so far the only thing I'm missing is my co-workers, and the CBC Radio 2 Personalities. Commuting makes the radio your best friend. Tom Power, I miss you!
I am feeling very stereotypical at the moment as I sit at a Starbucks with my (new) Macbook Pro. I am feeling pretty fraudulent; I have the clothes and the glasses and the computer and the coffee, but do I have the substance? I was feeling incredibly self conscious until I found my old Blogs and realized that I really enjoy spewing my thoughts into the world.
I need to practice writing if I ever want to be good at it. I am really hoping to take a creative writing course so I can learn some actual skills on how to write a structured story. (Sidenote: I think someone has a Pumpkin Spice Latte. UNFAIR. It is July. Don't make me miss Fall already!)
I'm actually at The Book Store, which feels like Mecca to me at the moment. I have returned to the place I felt the most myself. When I worked here, I felt like I was with people who understood me, and celebrated the parts of myself that I want to celebrate. All I want to do is work here again, but I'm worried that I'm just trying to reclaim the past. Maybe I'm as delusional at Gatbsy in the recent Baz Lurhhman film -
Nick: "You can't repeat the past"
Gatsby: "Sure you can!"
Okay, so that's not the quote but you get the gist. I don't want to repeat the past, but I would like to get back to being as happy as possible, and I think that this is a good place to start. I love surrounding myself in books. They remind me that there are people like me out there; people who create whole worlds, characters, and events in their heads and make believe that they are real. This is possibly unhealthy.
This sort of wild imagination tends to get me into a lot of emotional trouble. I am constantly making up details about the personalities of the people around me, and then being disappointed when they aren't those things. I have an entire boyfriend scripted out in my head. I change his face depending on the people around me (default: Sidney Crosby). This cannot be healthy. How can anyone fit perfectly this character I have created in my head. Surely, no one can be that awesome.
And now - the the gym! I have too much to think about already, and I want to free up the mind space that spends 50% of my day hating my body.
-Jess-
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