I guess it all started with the Wii...I think.
Today, Mom and I went shopping for lamp shades and a Wii. Funnily enough, it was my Mom's idea, and not a situation where I had to badger my parents about how awesome a Wiifit would be for our current weight loss lifestyle. She just decided and asked my opinion. Like I'm going to say no? Let's be serious.
Seriously. We went to Best Buy and bought a Wii (of course all the Wiifits are gone becuase it's New Years and everyone is going to "get skinny this year"). It was very simple and I only had to explain to my mother 5 times that, "no, we still need to get the game, this is just the console". It was great. Then we went to Homesense where I remembered my unconsolable fear of "bargain mark-down stores" (read: Winners). I am against all stores who's best tag line is "Great Finds!" Yea. The word "Find" implies that there was a search needed. Basically they're telling you that you have to sift through all their other shitty product to get to other shitty product that's at least half way decent. Somehow I don't think this is a WINNING recomendation to a store.
After I told my mother that she should get a lampshade that is as benign as the one she already has, and convinced her that no one at ALL will notice our new cream bathmat is a titch lighter shade than the colour in our shower curtain, we got the fuck out of there.
I set up the Wii. Very easy. Played a million rounds of Bowling with my mom (I made her tighten the wrist strap), she went to play with the washing machine and I decided to try boxing.
Holy Jesus.
Wii Boxing is about as fun as my entire life put together into a ball of awesome. I have never done anything in a video game I thought I could do better in real life. Mortal Kombat never inspired me to do round-house KO's. WII BOXING MAKES ME FEEL LIKE EVANDER FUCKING HOLYFIELD. I could DEFINITELY fight someone in boxing and win. Wii said so. I didn't lose a match. It made me feel very light on my feet and boxy. In an awesome way.
It was in this state that I rolled a joint and went to visit my Wishing Cousin. (The one who wishes really hard for things at christmas). I picked her up for a night on the town. We smoked my apparent cannon. I had thought it was regular size, but apparently it was for 10 people. Suffice to say, I was pretty stoned by the time we were burning filter. WC left me to go pee and I was to finish the roach. BLINDSIDED: headlights sweep my face. Her Mom, My Aunt. Home early from Water Aerobics because the pool is being cleaned this weekend. We were "leaving" when she left. We were still outside when she came home. Bad sign. Especially as I'm already sketchy about people knowing about my pot-intake-valve. WC was inside. I had a joint in my hand. So I did what every NORMAL person does and went into a totally ape-shit panic.
Using skillz only learned from Wii Boxing this afternoon, I dodged the headlights, bolted to the back door. In one smooth twist of the wrist, I ashed the joint and lunged to the side, flicking the spent filter into the bushes and bursting into the house. I alert WC as to what has happened and she tells me to go get Diet Coke from the garage and stay there until her mom had vacated the premises. So I bolt into the garage.
If you've ever seen a Scooby Doo episode where all the characters are running from the monstor and enter the "hall of doors" scenario, you can imagine how the rest of the aunt-encounter went. I went into the garage, she came in the back door. I popped my head out of the garage as she just walked into the laundry room. I hid in the garage. She went upstairs, I ran out the back door. She came downstairs. She went upstairs, WC ran out of the bathroom, out the door and into the car.
We fled. No honour, just sheer fleeing. WC was not as shaken as me, because she's way cool, but i was a hot stoned mess. By the time we reached party destination, I couldn't breath I was laughing so hard. I felt exactly as if I were Phoebe Buffet and that I was driving a big yellow taxi. I blame the boho hat I was wearing and the side swept bangs I've finally managed to accomplish.
All in all, a great night. The monstor was actually Mr. Jones from next door. He would have succeeded if it weren't for those pesky kids!
xoxoxox
P.S. Joel Plaskett, if you read this, I think you're hotter than Jesus.
